these are a few of my favorite things...

does your wish list ever feel out-of-control like mine?

i have been dying for these earrings for months:

owlita

who wouldn't feel lucky wearing this little guy?:

lucky rabbit hairpin

the artist caia koopman is a recent find for me.  i would love to see one of her prints on my wall:

caia koopman

spring is just around the corner.  what will you be wearing?

modcloth

Solestruck

marc jacobs

fast forward

imagine yourself being given the opportunity of a lifetime.  think about what it would entail to own your own business.  try to visualize what you would do with this enormous responsibility and how you could transform it into the biggest and best endeavor you have ever ventured into.


now that i have put that out there i will just say that there are BIG plans in my very near future and i am bursting at the seams with ideas, but i am not quite ready to share them publicly.  sorry for the elusive nature of this post, but i just had to say something.  i am so excited to begin my new venture!


what's your entrepreneurial dream?

i'm done, i'm done, i'm done!!

so i finally finished school...phew!!  oh, and i was the valedictorian ;)  what a long, emotional ride that was.  if i could go back in time and make some other decisions regarding this stretch of education i would, but alas it is over and i couldn't be happier. don't get me wrong, i love what i am doing, but i would have chosen a different place to have gone.  i am sooooo not aveda.  most of the products suck, and the ones that don't i still don't love them enough to ever buy them again.  their cutting technique is just whack compared to newer methods such as bumble and bumble, but hey in reality cosmetology school is just to get you through your exams.  i do know that i probably learned more than a lot of other freshly trained hair stylists, but that all has to do with what i did with it.  lots of self research and training played a role in that.  so, no i register to take my board exams to get licensed and get started with my new career.  kinda daunting really.  i had never planned on staying in tucson after graduation, but i think it would be easier to get out of the giant hole of debt here rather than dealing with another move in the midst of all the other changes that are taking place at the moment.

in other news, i have decided to look into going to al anon at the advice of a friend.  she said that it has saved her relationship with her alcoholic boyfriend.  what have i got to lose, right?  things are clearly not going to change in this marriage unless i take a more proactive stance.  i suppose at this point i am the only one who can do something about it.  after all, it is his problem not mine right?  i just need to learn how to cope with it until i am in a better personal financial situation where i can decide what will be best for both of us in the long term.  i try really hard to stay positive, but it gets so hard sometimes...

been reading a couple books this month:

haven't finished either one just yet, but am enjoying them both.

morning misery

yup, it's another hellish morning with A.  how hard is it to just be nice to your partner (and the world for that matter) right when you wake up in the morning??  the funny thing is that he has no idea how crummy it starts my day off when i cheerily say "good morning!" and he proceeds to slam the bathroom door in my face.  i don't deserve this.

shear lust

i want these...

but since i cannot justify buying them until i am making money again, i will settle for these...

which are still really quite decadent.  who knew i would be lusting after a pair of shears a mere 2 years ago??
sad, but true...

2 eggs over medium and a cup of peppermint tea

you know those little posting collages you can make at the end of the year on facebook?  well, in case you don't i will tell you that they are basically a sampling of random posts you have made throughout the year in collage style.  last year mine involved many posts referencing food.  i guess even though i am not the chef in the family my own little personal bubble in life still prominently revolves around food.  i used to cook for myself a lot more when i was single and living back in my sweet apartment in seattle, and now "food" in my life mainly consists of something that can be prepared in less than 5 minutes or served directly to me on a plate at a restaurant.  when and where did i suddenly lose the motivation to cook?  i used to care so much more about what i put inside my body.  i used to be very aware of the way in which certain foods affected me, but now i just disregard the screaming loud signals my body sends to me every day via congested skin and irritability and other various non-specific symptoms.  i really need to listen to my internal vibration more, but i have lost the way and need to find my way back to a healthy body and soul.


i am the same way with exercise.  i have gone through stints of taking incredibly good care of myself physically and being in really great shape, and then one day i sit down in front of the computer and never seem to get up.  i recently sacrificed my gym membership to have just one less bill in our lives.  i now realize that it was the worst decision i could have made because as i get out of the shower naked and look at my 34-year-old body in the mirror i know that it will never be 25 again, but i have the choice to at least take care of what i got...right??  what it all comes down to is the fact that i feel so much better when i am in good shape.  this means eating well AND exercising.  being mindful of my body and respecting the fact that it needs my help to stay fit and happy.  today will be the first day that i make a commitment to try to cook at least 2 to 3 healthy dinners for myself each week.  well, starting tomorrow of course since it should be clear what i had for dinner tonight ;)  it doesn't sound like much, but it's a start.


well, my husband and i celebrated our 2nd anniversary this month.  2 years, phew!  a lot has happened to say the least.  i know that i have mentioned before that it has been sort of a rough road, but i know that it is possible for us to recover some semblance of joy in our lives again.  life happens, and before you know it you are having 2 fried eggs and a cup of tea for dinner and your husband is at work late (again) and you think to yourself "is this really happening, this life of mine?".  and well, yes, it is.  all you can do is wake up every day and make the best of what you have made for yourself and pray that you choose the best path on each and every daily adventure you stumble upon.  i have seen into the future and i swear it looks bright, but i hope that it is not just an illusion.  there are things i want to say, but am afraid to jinx them so i will hold my tongue and wait.


for our anniversary A and i went to prescott and we stayed at the cutest little hotel downtown on whiskey row by the name of hotel st. michael.  there was a great little cafe in the hotel, and we enjoyed a couple yummy meals there, which says a lot when A is pleased because being a chef he is sooooooo discriminating.  our decision to go to prescott was fueled by my deep desire to at least get a tiny taste of fall weather.  the leaves were falling and the air was crisp.  exactly what i was hoping for!  it was a super quick trip, but well worth the drive.  we actually really enjoyed each others company and spent some true quality time together.  i want to also give a big thank you to the lovely danielle over at sometimessweet.com for giving me suggestions on where to stay and eat!  she was a such a gracious help to me ;)


ahhh, back to my tea now.  i will reflect on my own pondering and make a conscious effort to try and be better to myself.

time stands still

only about 2 months until i graduate from aveda, and time had been moving so slowly until now.  so much to do in so little time.  i feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to go to school and completely change my career path.  so, so very blessed to have had the support i needed to get through it financially.  i wish that my husband knew how much i appreciate all his help, but it is so hard to convey this to him sometimes.  financially and emotionally it has been an extremely taxing year, and i look forward to being able to help us get out of this terrible debt we seem to be perpetually buried under.  ahhhh, yes, debt.  it is what so many of us are made of...is it not?  

cake pops!!

i just discovered these on the dailycandy.com website.  they really satisfy my love for all things small, cute, AND delicious!  what could be better than bite-sized cake on a stick??!  

you can find how-to instructions at:  http://www.dailycandy.com/all-cities/gallery/90627/Make-Your-Own-Cake-Pops

this is halloween, HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN!

i love, love, love halloween!  it is absolutely my most favorite holiday of the year.  i love that it represents the changing of a season, as well as an opportunity to come up with a fantastic costume and go out for some prime people watching.  i have been everything from roadkill rabbit to melanie daniels from hitchcock's the birds.  i revel in every last minute of  the sweet, candy goodness that is halloween.  this year is a bit different, however.  this year i will not be celebrating halloween with costumes, cocktails, and debauchery.  since all hallows eve falls on a sunday, clearly the festivities will occur on saturday and i have to be up early on sunday to go to the culinary festival where my husband will be competing in a competition similar to iron chef.  it is a big deal for him, and i would not miss it.  i have school for 10 hours on saturday as well, so either i go out on saturday and be a "good" girl and don't drink and come home early, or i stay home.  i wish that i could say that going out without drinking was easy for me, but unfortunately i socialize much better after i have a couple.  although i love to mingle, social anxiety has always been a huge issue for me.  i often wish that it were easier for me to feel comfortable around large groups of people at any given time, but, alas, it is simply not that easy for me to just relax and enjoy myself and others without the help of a little liquid courage.  perhaps i will try to go at it with a positive attitude, and try to enjoy the holiday as a sober attendee. we shall see...


the one thing i did this year in honor of my favorite day (by default) was make my mom some super fancy delicious whoopie pies...so decadent!!  the recipe was very simple, but unfortunately i don't have it since it came out of a magazine at my mom's.  i will tell you that the filling had butter, powdered sugar, cream cheese, AND marshmallow cream!  YUM!

and here is a blurry photo of me on halloween about 5 years ago...

have a safe and happy halloween everybody!!

the payoff of hard work

so this past year has been tumultuous to say the least.  on top of school i have had to balance work, lucky rabbit, marriage, finances, pets, family drama,  a withering social life, the maintenance of a home, as well as keeping my personal emotional maintenance in check.  i have definitely learned a lot about myself and all the people that surround me.  i have come so far as a stylist, and it has helped me grow as an individual in ways that i could have never imagined.  i have gained friends as well as business connections through my newfound skill, and i am feeling really positive about my potential.  i will graduate in early january, and after 14 long months will finally be able to get my license and start learning the true ins and outs of my new craft.  i am truly looking forward to a fresh start full of opportunity.

my hair and makeup model for my photo shoot final

i still miss living in a bigger city with better weather, but have accepted the fact that i might have to tough it out here for as long as it takes for my husband and i to be able to afford to build another life elsewhere.  october seems to always be an extremely difficult month for me because in my mind it should feel and look like fall outside.  there should be a crispness in the air which generally represents the season of autumn, and the leaves should be turning bright colors as they change and fall off the trees.  i should be able to smell the first fires built in fireplaces throughout the city, and there should be an overall sense of transformation.  alas, none of these things are present during "fall" in the desert.  the melty weather of summer still lingers on, and there is no point in wishing it would be otherwise.  eventually, around november, the weather will change, but only into the 6-month spring that will exist until it becomes unbearably hot again in may.  i may have accepted the fact that i am stuck here for an undetermined amount of time, but that doesn't mean i don't still daydream of my next home...

the blues

*ugh*  being sick in the summertime somehow seems to feel worse than being sick in the winter.  being sick always makes me depressed though no matter what the weather outside is like.  i have such a hard time not doing anything that i either make myself feel worse by actually over-doing it, or i go stir crazy by doing nothing.  today i chose the latter, and feel utterly useless for not filling my day with the usual tuesday-end-of-the-weekend rituals such as cleaning and laundry.  why do i give myself such a hard time for trying to relax and recuperate??  to top things off, my husband says he is going to "help" me by doing some vacuuming and picking up, which never happened.  consequently, it makes me feel worse because now i not only feel lazy, but i am also mad at myself and at him for sitting in a dirty house at 8:45pm after wasting an entire day.  i feel like i can't rely on anybody but myself...*sigh*  he didn't even offer to make me dinner, and i have now given up on the idea of eating at all tonight since it is so late and i just don't have the energy to get something together for myself.  what is wrong with the male brain?  or is it just my luck to end up with somebody who never follows through with commitments, ignores me, and gets grumpy and moody because he lacks the motivation to entertain himself??  and this is not only when i am sick.  *double sigh*

we went to spend some time with my family for the 4th of july.  although i didn't feel fantastic, it was really nice to see my mom getting around pretty great with her 1st new knee!  she can make it up and down the stairs now, and do pretty much everything for herself, which i know makes her happier.  went shopping with my sister at H&M, which is always a bonus to being up in phoenix.  i have to admit that it really wasn't even that hot!  mostly in the upper 90's, and then barely grazing the 100's.  so odd for july.  however, the chaos always reigns when we are there, and in the end we can't wait to come home.  it is hard to never be able to spend quality time with my parents without the pandemonium caused by my sister's family who lives across the street from them.  my niece and nephew are always really excited to see us, and we can handle an afternoon, but after that we just wish that we could have some peaceful and relaxing adult time with my parents.

wow, i am just full of positivity and lightness today, eh?  don't say i didn't warn you in the beginning by saying that i get depressed when i'm sick.

faking it, and faking it good

remember when i said i was going to start exploring lomography a bit more?? well, this is actually cheating since they were taken on my phone, but the vignette application that i got for my droid sure makes it easy to fake it!

the notorious mr. pink

the man

i am happy to report that my mom is doing much better since her knee replacement earlier this week.  she is finally back home as of last night, and i look forward to being able to see her soon.  it's really emotionally draining to have a loved one go through such a major surgery, and then even more so just thinking about the road to full recovery.  as i said before, she also has to have the other knee done soon so it makes that road feel just a bit longer.  i am really excited to see her get back to herself.  being in constant pain definitely has an effect on one's emotional state, and she has been suffering for quite some time now.  it was first recommended that she have both knees replaced 2 years ago, and they have obviously only gotten worse since.  that is a lot of precious time to lose being very limited to how many steps you are able to take before you are unable to take any more due to the incessant, worsening pain.  yay, mom!!  in a few short months we can actually take a walk together again!

speaking of pain, it has become increasingly harder to get up for school each day.  there are a lot of changes that have been made as far as staff goes, and i feel like we are losing all the educators that have actually taught us the most.  the ones that are left over either don't have the level of knowledge, or lack the teaching skills to provide the necessary direction.  i know that cutting and coloring hair probably doesn't seem like rocket science, but there is so much more involved than you will ever know if you have not endured cosmetology school.  at this point i believe it truly is a specialized form of torture.  seriously.  i can't believe that i am only halfway through at this point, and then when i graduate i have apprenticing and assisting to look forward to.  *ugh*  please, please let this all be worth it in the end.  i do love the fact that the beauty and fashion industry is in a persistent state of evolution.  i look forward to all the continuing education, but right now i just want the base to be built so i can move on with my life and start working again.  i actually miss having a dependable source of personal income.  addam has taken very good care of the two of us, but i need to contribute to feel secure within my own self.  i need to be making my own money to feel justified spending it on things that i want, and not just things that i need.  as silly as it may sound, i miss shopping, dammit!