the blues

*ugh*  being sick in the summertime somehow seems to feel worse than being sick in the winter.  being sick always makes me depressed though no matter what the weather outside is like.  i have such a hard time not doing anything that i either make myself feel worse by actually over-doing it, or i go stir crazy by doing nothing.  today i chose the latter, and feel utterly useless for not filling my day with the usual tuesday-end-of-the-weekend rituals such as cleaning and laundry.  why do i give myself such a hard time for trying to relax and recuperate??  to top things off, my husband says he is going to "help" me by doing some vacuuming and picking up, which never happened.  consequently, it makes me feel worse because now i not only feel lazy, but i am also mad at myself and at him for sitting in a dirty house at 8:45pm after wasting an entire day.  i feel like i can't rely on anybody but myself...*sigh*  he didn't even offer to make me dinner, and i have now given up on the idea of eating at all tonight since it is so late and i just don't have the energy to get something together for myself.  what is wrong with the male brain?  or is it just my luck to end up with somebody who never follows through with commitments, ignores me, and gets grumpy and moody because he lacks the motivation to entertain himself??  and this is not only when i am sick.  *double sigh*

we went to spend some time with my family for the 4th of july.  although i didn't feel fantastic, it was really nice to see my mom getting around pretty great with her 1st new knee!  she can make it up and down the stairs now, and do pretty much everything for herself, which i know makes her happier.  went shopping with my sister at H&M, which is always a bonus to being up in phoenix.  i have to admit that it really wasn't even that hot!  mostly in the upper 90's, and then barely grazing the 100's.  so odd for july.  however, the chaos always reigns when we are there, and in the end we can't wait to come home.  it is hard to never be able to spend quality time with my parents without the pandemonium caused by my sister's family who lives across the street from them.  my niece and nephew are always really excited to see us, and we can handle an afternoon, but after that we just wish that we could have some peaceful and relaxing adult time with my parents.

wow, i am just full of positivity and lightness today, eh?  don't say i didn't warn you in the beginning by saying that i get depressed when i'm sick.